My mind is vacant, having kicked out the previous tenants, I’ve decided to take it off the market for a while, I don’t have a good feeling about it being occupied. I threw away my last blade today, which is good I suppose, less temptation, more healing, less long sleeve shirts. I still can’t face the facts, but I’ll have to one day I suppose. Living “in the now” seemed to be healing for a while, but the reality still remains, and I’m left with a bittersweet memory to keep me company. I felt alive for the first time in a while today, instantly that was taken away, but it’s alright, at least I know I’m still alive. I have now become more neutral than ever, but, as it is neither bad, nor good, it is still to a certain degree, “good.”

I try and plant my feet on solid ground, but as soon as I take another step it’s as if everything falls out from under me. But luckily now I have a safety net, I didn’t even ask for it, it just showed up, out of nowhere. But I have to go now, I have to distract myself from myself for a few hours, at least. I know you’re doing well, I’d lie if I said I wasn’t jealous, but I still miss you, and I am still being selfish about this. I love you, I miss you, I’ll see you whenever I see you.