I miss you

I miss you so much it hurts, everything I see reminds me of you. I wish I was there with you, I want to be so bad, but I made you that promise, it’s getting really hard to keep. I miss your smile, I miss your love, I miss your laugh, I miss your voice, I miss your eyes, I miss you. When you left I knew, I could feel it. Every ounce of light that was left in this world is gone. I wish I would have been online, I would have seen the post, I would have been able to call your mom, and you would have been mad at me, but you would have still been here. Everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault and there was nothing I could have done, but I could have stayed home, I would have seen it, I would have done something. I want you back, but that can’t happen. I stopped cutting, I gave P.A. my blades, I stopped purging, but I can’t help it right now, it’s not intentional, I tried eating but it wouldn’t stay down. I wish I could have changed how you felt, I wish you knew how worthy of love you are. I love you Amanda, I always will. I’m trying not to be selfish about this, but I don’t think I can do this without you, but I’m trying. I love you, I love you, I love you.